Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Can you guess where I just was?

(Most of my day was spent dealing with yet another car issue so I dredged up this little gem from August.)

No ideas?


None?

Ok...I'll tell you. I was in Fabric Hell. In case you didn't know, Fabric Hell is located in North Providence. Fabric Hell is an old mill building, where they used to make the stock for Fabric Hell and apparently much of their current wares are left over from when the mill shut down in the 60s. At least that was the conclusion I nimbly jumped to looking at rows and rows of printed polyester fabrics. Color combinations that will haunt my dreams for years to come exist in this place.

Let me give you a sample of the clientele at Fabric Hell (commonly known as Lorraine Fabric to the unsuspecting mortal ((that's right...not JoAnn...Lorraine))). There was an elderly woman who added at least a foot to her normal height with a signature grayish blue bouffant confection on the top of her head. Most people would opt for heels. She opted for white semi-translucent jelly shoes. It must have been casual Tueaday at Fabric Hell. Apparently, to shop at FH your wardrobe needs to consist of pieces at least 20 years old. What was bouffant-jelly shoes purchasing? I'm so glad you asked. She was picking out peach colored lace in order to accent the collar of a hum-drum peach blouse she had purchased on sale. I got to hear all about this while I waited behind her in line.

Then there was Theresa. I think Theresa was an angel sent by the Big Guy to watch over me during my time in FH since she expertly expidited the time I had to spend there. Theresa was the picture of color coordination in her pink ensemble. Everything matched right down to her underwear. How do I know this you ask? Because the slightest hint of undergarment (3 inches max) was visible above the waistline of her threadbare terrycloth lounge pants. When you find pants that fit that well you don't just get rid of them without a fight. That's Theresa's motto. Anyway, Theresa works the back cutting table in a haven of designer upholstery fabrics that have been unfairly sentenced to an eternity amongst cheap fabrics and clients with even cheaper taste, never to be purchased and loved.

I was lucky enough to end up in FH because Bossman has decided to drape his pedestals in black fabric before placing his precious buddhas on top. Needless to say, someone recommended Lorraine's and I unwittingly went. Like a lamb to the slaughter. I do have to say, the outside world looks much better after having risen up out of a place like that.



FH is nowhere near this nice.

2 comments:

AC/JC said...

did u really go in there and take a photo, bet they thought you were mad..........

LorraineFabrics said...

Lorraine Fabrics is now under new management. It is clean, stocked with beautiful new goods, and organized. Give us a second try, you won't be disappointed!