"Can you make up a social calendar for me?"

"I want to know where all the cool stuff is happening...you know, like on the West Side and stuff."

OK. Not only do I do all of Bossman's errands for him, pay his bills, and make sure that his dog doesn't die from plaster inhalation*, but now, I have to tell him where to go have fun. There are a number of blazing obstacles in the way of successfully fulfilling this request. These obstacles led me to compare the social interactions of my boss and I.

1. Bossman's interpretation of "something cool/fun to do" is obviously slightly different than mine. I have friends that I go out with and have fun simply as a result of how cool we are collectively. One of my recent trips to Boston for example:

Doesn't this look like fun?

Bossman invites people over to eat sushi off of mostly naked girls. One of his recent parties for example:

note: The interview process for finding these girls was really very interesting

2. If I'm going to a cool event, would I really want to have Bossman there with me? Would you want your boss there? Keep in mind that he is only 5 years older than me and Providence is a small town so it's not such a stretch that we would see eachother out socially. However, the facts that he doesn't like to tell people that he has an assistant, never gives me credit for anything, and ignores me when I see him out and about, make me less inclined to make him in with my kind of in-crowd**

3. Most of the time when I go out, fun finds me. This isn't a conceited statement. One rarely makes specific plans to go out and do something that cool people do. It's a trial and error thing. You go out to a restaurant that someone has heard good things about and they turn out to have a really good bar scene. You go to an outdoor concert and stumble upon a goth marching band from Brooklyn. As I get older, I'm convinced that "cool" is a very organic thing. You go to a party and it just happens. My Christmas party for example:


Trying too hard leads you to a birthday party where everyone gets embarrassed by the bellydancer:

note: See how the only people watching are the waitress and the bellydancer's escort? Everyone else has their back turned. Weirdos.

What did I do in the end you ask? Well, I did my best to compile a combination of the invitations he had received, art gallery shows I thought he would like, and recurring events at local bars (e.g. the very cool salsa night that I have actually attended. See? I'm able to share). I sent it in a very organized spreadsheet and asked him to give me some sort of direction towards what types of events appeal to him. Obviously unimpressed, he's now sending me links to websites that may "be a good source for my social calendar."

This man is like Pandora's box. Every request leads to a thousand more questions about him. If he knows about these websites then why doesn't he come up with his own social calendar? Who is so busy that they can't figure out how they'd like to spend their free time? Certainly not someone who has a PA to do almost everything for them. Why won't he just admit that he's having trouble meeting girls instead of coming up with this cockamamie story about wanting to expand his social sphere and do "cool stuff?" Exasperation is my middle name.

*We had a shower valve crack and leak water into the kitchen. As a result, a large patch had to be put in the kitchen ceiling and it was determined that the dog either really wanted to help with the construction, or, had a hankering for white powder lying around (much like most of Providence's East Side).

**Not that I'm some sort of hipster. I wouldn't know what the in-crowd was if they poked me in the eye with an escargot fork.

What's the most annoying way to start your day?

I'll tell you. It's finally getting the AV squad to come to the house in in order to fix the recurring issues with the integrated music system and being forced to listen to the Adult Jazz Easy Listening Station for an hour while they try and diagnose the problem. I'm about to ram Kenny G's saxophone through my eye.

Who's the man behind the martini?

Why it's none other than Sam Rawstorne, internationally known recruiter, father-to-be, and all around jetsetter enjoying a little fuschia sensation. He was in town from San Fran and made the time to hang out with me at the old local, XO. We spent last night dodging gypsies and people who were completely mad but only came away with a couple of photos. As quickly as he was here, he's gone. Dancing will definitely be required the next time we hang out Sam.




It's obvious I was a little more excited than he was.

Do my friendships only exist in Cyberspace?

First of all, cheers to Caroline for turning me on to goodreads.com. As she put it, "it's facebook for library nerds." I could spend hours on this site looking at what people are reading, making comments, trying to remember books that I want to read, etc. etc. Go start your own profile and be my friend!

As I just finished browsing around this site and sprucing up my profile, I realized that I am becoming more and more attached to cyber interactions with my friends. I check the blogs of my friends like a maniac, I find myself spiraling through people's myspace pages looking at who knows who, and I live for checking that little map on the right to see how many people come to my blog and where they are. This eventually leads to cyber-envy. How does Jessie always come up with such a cool background on her myspace page? How can I get as many dots on my map as Alex? How come people have better taste in books than I do? See how I just asked you to be my friend on goodreads? I have a pathological need to expand my cyber-circle as much as possible in order to validate myself as a hip, popular, technologically cutting edge type person.

You can see how this becomes dangerous. I always knew that I had an addictive personality. However, this is the height of modern technology isn't it? People staying virtually connected despite being geographically separated. Good and bad I guess. There are the obvious benefits but what happens when I lose my job because of a lack of productivity? Sorry Bossman, no dry cleaning today, I had to update my blog...and no, I didn't pay the bills yet, I had to make up an evite for my cyber book club's first virtual meeting over ichat.

Is this a date you'd really like to go on?

I myself have been on some awkward dates. There was my prom date who ended up making out with my friend at the after party, the guy who thought sticking his tounge between my gum and upper lip was sexy, and of course, the date where we were confronted by "Primal Scream", Harvard's annual naked run. However, I don't know that I'd sign up to do this on Valentine's day. Click the link to read the whole story.

"Zoo Tours Cash in on Hot Monkey Love"

Adult visitors to the Lowry Park Zoo learn about the sex lives of porcupines during an after-hours tour Saturday, Feb. 10, 2007, in Tampa, Fla. Valentine's Day is the time of year when zoos around the nation seek to woo a new adult audience with risque tours that couple champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries and candlelight dining with impressive facts about how animals do the wild thing. (AP Photo/Steve Nesius)

Read the whole story

How much work is it to get your boss to a black tie event?

It's a lot of work actually but I've found that it's perfectly manageable if you create a schedule and prepare yourself for the unexpected.

2 weeks before the event, notice that there is a black tie event (BTE) listed on his calendar. Ask if there is anything that you need to do for him before the BTE. He will say no.

1 week before the event, ask if he needs anything brought to the drycleaners before the BTE. He will delay, and tell you that he thinks he's all set but will look into it.

Morning, 3 days before the event, tell him that you're headed to the drycleaners. He will ask you to hold off until the afternoon so he can get his tux together and you can bring it to be pressed.

Mid-day, 3 days before the event, leave your boss a note reminding him to put his tux in the drycleaning basket.

Late afternoon, 3 days before the event, drop off his tux at the cleaners right before they close.

Day of BTE, after two days of him reminding you that he needs the tux picked up today, go to pick up the tux. While you're out, pick him up a selection of shoes to wear with said tux in two different sizes because he's not quite sure what will fit.

20 minutes before BTE, "I was wondering if you were free to pick me up and drop me off at my dinner. The cab company said it would be a 45 minute wait." Sure thing Bossman.

What's the creeepiest thing you can do in Boston on a Friday night?

This is how the Museum of Fine Arts bills their "First Fridays" event:
"Join us on the first Friday of every month in the majestic Koch Gallery for a spirited evening of socializing. Enjoy music, cocktails, friends new and old, and fine art. There is no other way to start the month!"

This is what they should say:
"Join us on the First Friday of every month in the majestic Koch Gallery for an obnoxious evening of being hit on by desperate 40-50 year old men. Witty conversation abounds all evening so be prepared for "Are you two sisters?" "Where have you been hiding all night?" and the ever classic, "Do you come here often?" Enjoy the surrealness of being surrounded by oil paintings while listening to our aging DJ play "SexyBack" and "Like a Virgin." One unique feature of our First Fridays is that once you've made it into the gallery with the rest of your new friends, the only way out is the same way you came in! That way, you'll be able to revisit all of those interesting conversations before you leave. There is no better place to enjoy an $8.50 half martini and no better way to start the month!"

If I could have taken pictures of some of these characters without having them think it was an open invitation to my pants, I would have. Check it out. I have a feeling that all the same people will be there next month.