Sunday, August 5, 2007

Have you been keeping up on your news?

Alright. I know it's been a while. Let's jump right in to some notable headlines:

Arkansas couple welcomes 17th child
Fri Aug 3, 10:56 AM ET

Michelle Duggar, left, is surrounded by her children and husband Jim Bob, top left, while she holds her newborn daughter, Jennifer Danielle, Thursday, Aug. 2, 2007 in Rogers, Ark. Jennifer Danielle was born at 10:01 a.m., weighed 8 lbs 8 oz, was 21 inches long, and is the 17th child born to Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar. (AP Photo/Beth Hall)

This is crazy. You may or may not be familiar with the Duggar family. I for one have been keeping track of their exploits since stumbling across the Discovery Channel special "14 Kids and One On The Way!". That was 3 kids ago. I think you have to be absolutely mental to be pregnant for 10.5 years (thanks Discovery Health fun facts). In the news article Michelle Duggar, the only member of the family whose name does not start with J, said that she was surprised that her labor only lasted about 30 minutes. Excuse me Michelle? You must be on some serious drugs to have deluded yourself into thinking that you still have any muscle retention left down there.

"Bid to break kazoo record fails"
Thu Aug 2, 11:53 PM ET

NEW YORK - Members of a 1980s funk and disco group hit a sour note in their attempt to break the world record for the largest kazoo ensemble, falling short of the some 2,600 impromptu musicians needed.

Speaking of ridiculous ways to spend your time. I for one have always been somewhat annoyed by people who pursue world records in the first place. Who cares if you were able to keep 10 plates spinning simultaneously for 24 hours while bouncing on pogo stick and singing James Taylor? Big Whoop. Your 38. Get a life. Why don't you try breaking your own world record for longest amount of time spent acting like an utter clown?

In that vein, I get a sick satisfaction when I read about people who fail miserably at breaking a record. These particular jokers tried to break the record for largest kazoo ensemble. These people put in some work to keep everything on the up and up for this miserably inadequate record attempt. They brought in Barbara Stewart, a professional kazooist (again, grow up and do something worthwhile) to instruct the crowd since all participants had to be deemed "'proficient' players, in accordance with Guinness World Records requirements."

Who comes up with these requirements? In my mind, it's a group of old British men sitting around in a smoky, wood paneled room arguing about important world issues like the circumference of hula hoops and whether the face on that piece of toast looks like the Virgin Mary or Marv Albert. Wait...those are the guys from Ripley's Believe It or Not...Don't even get me started on them.